It's a Journey

Two weeks ago, we wrapped up our English classes by passing out diplomas and throwing a party. We had made many contacts that will followed up with by long term workers. We said good bye to the friends we made and left for the coast of Croatia.

In Croatia, the plan was to debrief what God did the past 5 weeks in Bosnia. It was extremely hard for our team to do. It was like pushing a boulder up a mountain...exhausting. We processed, talked and prayed together. We came to the end of our debrief and it seemed to fizzle out.

I was still discouraged when we left the coast and went back to Bosnia where we would spend two days with a woman called Jacque. We hadn't spent much time with her, so it was a special treat to stay with her. She was an amazing host and I was able to speak with her about our trip and also just relax. This was very helpful for me and my thoughts became more and more clear.

There are still some things that are unclear about my time in Bosnia. But, there are Truths I can cling to and know for sure.

1. God is God. Exodus 3:14
2. Sanctification is a process. II Thes. 2:13
3. Jesus is Healer. Matthew 8:17

The Spirit has been comforting me and I find rest in Him knowing His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Be Sober. Be Watchful.

Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. 1 Peter 5:8 AMP

I read this verse to the team this morning. We prayed together and encouraged one another to be intentional with our last two weeks in Sarajevo. Because of the comfort we have found in the city, we could easily coast the rest of the trip. However, that is not our desire. Collectively, we are pursuing more fruitful relationships, smooth transitions and life transformations in ourselves and the people we have met.

A part of our intentionality is praying during Jumma, the Friday prayer at mosque. We walked through the city to the mosque and found a spot on the outside. I held on to the metal bars separating me from the men knelt down in prayer. As men gathered on mats in front of me, I prayed with more passion.

Lost in my own thoughts and prayers, a man walked up and stood rather close. He began speaking to me and I told him I did not speak Bosnian. He did not seem to mind and kept talking. He was dressed in all black, smelled horrible and smiled with sharp, jagged teeth. I gave up trying to communicate and ignored him until he walked away. I was relieved he walked away, but then I saw him in the corner of my eye. He walked in front of me, then behind me, then in front again. Thankfully, my friend Aldin stood beside me and protected me. For the rest of the prayer I saw him slowly circling around me and glaring my way. Often times I have seen spiritual manifests in the physical. That is exactly what I was seeing. The man was a physical representation of what our enemy has been doing in Sarajevo. He is prowling around seeking someone to devour.

When the prayer concluded the man walked back over to me. Unfortunately for him, I was raging with anger against the enemy and the confusion he has caused. The man began to flirt with me and with my finger pointed in his face, I sternly commanded, “No! No! No! Go away! Leave me alone!” The man seemed unaffected by my angry face and loud voice, but soon walked away.

I WILL NOT BE SILENT ANYMORE.

I am not making a judgement about the man, but the experience I had today made me more aware and sensitive to the flaming darts of the evil one and my need for the full armor of God.

Eternity in the Hearts of Men

We have been here for a few days now and I have already learned so much! We spent the first three days in orientation learning about the culture and the history of this great country. Here's a highlight! 


Last night, Brett and I taught our first English class. We have four students eager to practice the language. Our topic we chose was about hope. The introduction was an excerpt from the Shawshank Redemption movie. This is one of my favorite movies. Each of the students took turns reading the script. 


"Get busy living or get busy dying," one of the students read. This began a discussion about living life to the fullest and never giving up on dreams. Each student spoke of words that were related to hope. 


Faith. 
Expectation. 
Dreams.
Self-esteem. 
Steadfast. 


After defining hope, we continued with the script. Everyone was participating and engaging in conversation. We were all asking questions and debating this topic. We kept going with the script.  


"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." 


Then I asked, "what gives you hope?" The answers were family and friends. Then one person said religion. This was a perfect transition into, "how is hope related to Christianity?"


One guy answered, "Followers of Jesus believe He died for them and paid a price that gives them hope to know they can be forgiven." 


Yes. yes. yes. This was a perfect way to end the class. I shared Hebrews 6:19 with the class. 

1. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain. Amazed and asking if this was from the Old or New Testament, they all wrote down the verse!

So, just a reminder, that was our first class. We will have many more over the next four weeks and I trust the God brought them each to our class. Please pray for more spiritual conversations. As we talk about Hope, Peace, Sacrifice, may each conversation point to Jesus Christ the Author and Perfecter. 

I Do Me.

The title of this post is inspired by a friend whose life motto is, "you do you and I do me." It may be a confusing statement at first, but once he explained it to me I understood quite well. 


For me, the phrase 'I do me' encompasses what Jesus has been calling me to my whole life. He has called me to radical obedience. Jesus commanded, "follow me." Follow Him. Wherever He goes, whatever He does. Follow closely. "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." These words leap off the page of my Book and I know Jesus is talking to me. So, I go. 


Tomorrow, I will be traveling to Sarajevo, Bosnia. This place is already so close to my heart and I haven't set foot on its soil. If you read about the war in the 90s, your heart just might break a little. You might feel uncomfortable to know the atrocious attacks that occurred. I have read as many articles and watched as many videos as I can. It is now time to take the leap across the big pond and discover this place for myself. 


If you don't already know, 5 other interns and I will be living in Sarajevo for 6 weeks teaching English conversation classes.  This will give us an opportunity to meet people and build relationships. 


Preparations for this trip have looked different than past trips. I have been extremely behind on packing. The worst part is I had a simple desire to just stay home. I was enjoying the river, the beach, my family and friends so much that I considered the option of not going and staying home. I was then reminded of Jesus' words, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life" (Mark 10:29&30)


Months ago, Jesus said, "Go." I must obey and commit to what He has commanded. And as my friend puts it, "I do me." Because I abide in Jesus and Jesus in me, I know my heart will follow. My heart is not exactly something to be trusted at times. The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse— who can understand it? I the Lord test the mind and search the heart, to give to all according to their ways, according to the fruit of their doings (Jeremiah 17:9&10). 


"I do me" is more than a saying its a way of life. It breathes identity. "I do me."...the me who Jesus brought out of darkness into marvelous light, out of the pit and set upon a rock, making my steps secure, He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise [and I pray] many will see and put their trust in Him (Psalm 40).

Psalm 30

Yesterday in class one of my classmates leaned over to me and said, "you've been especially mournful these past couple weeks." 


I lied and said I was fine. But, the tears welled up in my eyes. I was finally exposed. I had been mourning what I think my life should look like. This semester has been filled with disappointment. Unfortunately, this disappointment had taken a life of its own. It manifested in the way I dressed and the way I engaged with others. 


After I had a moment to breathe, the Lord started speaking to me about lack of gratefulness. So, there in class I asked forgiveness and began to thank the Lord for what I do have. I thanked Him for my salvation, Jesus, a wonderful family, great friends, the opportunity to learn, His grace, mercy, Love, forgiveness....


I realized I had much to be thankful for. 


Even if I never found my way back to Africa, God would still be good. If I didn't have a husband and 6 multicultural children by the age of 21, well 22, God would still be good and I'd still be saved by grace and living in His goodness. My joys come from Him because He is my joy. 


The rest of the story is that as soon as I thanked Him I had breakthrough. Within the next hour I felt His nearness and joy and began to smile obnoxiously. It was Jesus. He clothed me with gladness. 

Psalm 30: 1-3, 11&12


 I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up 
   and have not let my foes rejoice over me. 
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, 
   and you have healed me. 
O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; 
   you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
   you have loosed my sackcloth
   and clothed me with gladness,
 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
   O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

beginning a new year

In the past few weeks, I have been praying and pushing for something that isn't happening. The plan for spring was to continue school at South Alabama & host a team of Ugandan missionaries. I was jealous with the thought of my friend Logan going back to Lira, Uganda in January for four months. I wanted to be going with her! But, God had given me a ministry of hosting the team from Uganda. I prayed and knew that I should not entertain thoughts of going to Africa in January, because I was to steward what God had already given me.

In mid-December, I got an email from the leader of the Uganda team and he gave me the unfortunate news that only one of four people were approved for visas. The team will re-apply and try to come in May. I now had more time to prepare for their visit. Yet, there in my heart grew the hope that I could take time off from school and go to Africa in January. Only on one condition. I had to find someone to take my apartment lease or I would not be able to commit to Africa. Rent was too expensive for me to ask my parents to pay for an apartment I was not living in. Even if I asked, I am positive I know what their answer would have been.

I posted to facebook and craigslist my need. I texted everyone I knew in Mobile. I was walking toward this trip and needed God to move things around so that I could go. It seemed crazy the thought of leaving in such short notice, but then I remembered that since I left Uganda I wanted to be back there. The same goes for Mozambique. I cried for hours on the plane going home from Mozam.

So where am I?

I just got back from Passion Conference. During Louie's announcement of how much money we raised, a number from Uganda called. I run up the stairs screaming, “Hello! Hello!” It was Suzanne that called to tell me happy new year and baby Shelby (my dear sweet name sake) is five months old now and doing great. My heart starts pounding and my hands shaking. As I manage to get back to my seat, Louie is talking about a recent story of a young Ugandan boy castrated by a witch doctor. Some of the money raised will go to support the rescue of children held captive by witch doctors for the purposes of child sacrifice.

Emotions were high at the end of Passion to hear the millions of dollars raised for the prevention and restoration of slaves. But, I am more moved by the faces and stories than the numbers and statistics. All the while, I still had hope that someone would would take my apartment and I would be set to leave for Uganda. A week away from the departure of this trip and I had hope. Soon after I left Passion, I found out my last interested person was no longer interested. Reality began to set in that I was not going to Africa, rather Mobile, Alabama and in less than two weeks I would be back to studying social work.

I don't understand it all. I don't have “a peace” about not being in Africa for my twenty first birthday. But I do know Jesus who is peace. When I ask the Lord why, I am reminded of Isaiah's words, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I remember the lyrics of Bryan and Katie Torwalt's song, “and when I don't understand, I will choose You, when I don't understand, I will choose to love You, God”

I will choose to worship Him even when I don't understand. Because He has a purpose for my life. In Him all things hold together. Because not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without my Father knowing it. Because He will guide me always, never leave me nor forsake me. Those are the promises I will cling to. I know the promises are true because I know the One who saved, healed and free me and He Himself is true.

I am trying to wrap this story up, but I don't want to miss anything. As I press on toward the Father my dear friend Sydney encouraged me yesterday with a short but profound truth. She said, “YOU HAVE NO CLUE what He is protecting you from or what He is doing with you in mobile.”

I only know what I know and I don't know what I don't know.

In closing to this novel of a blog, I drove home from Atlanta this morning and as I began to pray I had a vision. I saw a father dropping his little girl off at school. She was angry at him and throwing a fit. Screaming and crying, she said, “please don't make me go.” Even though he saw the pain in her eyes he knew what was best for her. He told her that he'd be back to get her. The counselor hugged and comforted her as they walked together into school. As a parent knows what is best for his child, so does my Father.

As this scene played out in my head I was able to relax and breathe in His presence knowing my Father is near to those who call on him in truth.

Introduction to my new blog!

My first blog. I admit, I am a little intimidated. I am not sure where this is going, but I will try to keep it more like a blog and less like my diary. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to explode when God is revealing or teaching me. Maybe, just maybe I could share my heart and you'd be encouraged. And if that doesn't happen....at least I am procrastinating studying and writing about Jesus. win win.

Tonight at church we were singing "I Am Set Free" by All Sons and Daughters (check them out if you haven't) and we sang "it is for freedom I have been set free." That led me to the thought it is for Jesus I've been set free. I thought just how much freedom is healing and THEN I was taken back to Nicaragua where I lay on the floor being touched by Jesus and Him speaking to for the first time ever! 


Let me give you a little of that story. One day in Nicaragua, our missions team performed a skit for the children. I played the woman that was healed after being sick for 12 years. (See Matthew 9:22) The skit went well and our day continued as normal. But then entered the abnormal. Our team began to pray and worship. Those sounds I will never forget. As Jessica prayed over me I felt the Lord speak to my heart and my life hasn't been the same since.....Jesus said:


 "Take heart daughter your faith has made you well." It is his cloak that heals us and cloak that frees us. The touch of Jesus. His presence.  


Then I am back in the present AND THEN THE WORSHIP LEADER began to say a lot of what was happening in my heart. He talked about freedom and deliverance and then talked about THAT WOMAN. That woman touched Jesus and HE SAID take heart your faith has healed you. 


All of this to say, there is freedom in healing. It is for freedom Christ set us free!