Psalm 30

Yesterday in class one of my classmates leaned over to me and said, "you've been especially mournful these past couple weeks." 


I lied and said I was fine. But, the tears welled up in my eyes. I was finally exposed. I had been mourning what I think my life should look like. This semester has been filled with disappointment. Unfortunately, this disappointment had taken a life of its own. It manifested in the way I dressed and the way I engaged with others. 


After I had a moment to breathe, the Lord started speaking to me about lack of gratefulness. So, there in class I asked forgiveness and began to thank the Lord for what I do have. I thanked Him for my salvation, Jesus, a wonderful family, great friends, the opportunity to learn, His grace, mercy, Love, forgiveness....


I realized I had much to be thankful for. 


Even if I never found my way back to Africa, God would still be good. If I didn't have a husband and 6 multicultural children by the age of 21, well 22, God would still be good and I'd still be saved by grace and living in His goodness. My joys come from Him because He is my joy. 


The rest of the story is that as soon as I thanked Him I had breakthrough. Within the next hour I felt His nearness and joy and began to smile obnoxiously. It was Jesus. He clothed me with gladness. 

Psalm 30: 1-3, 11&12


 I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up 
   and have not let my foes rejoice over me. 
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, 
   and you have healed me. 
O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; 
   you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
   you have loosed my sackcloth
   and clothed me with gladness,
 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
   O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!